my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
