Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
