Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
