i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
