her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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