did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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