Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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