awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Send help, water and tortillas.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
