Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
