from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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