Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
