Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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