I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
