Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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