I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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