Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
