You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
the liver wants what the liver wants
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
