I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she looked like the before picture.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
