She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
