Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
