I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
