Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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