Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
