gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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