She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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