i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
