saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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