youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
