haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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