On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
