we have pet lesbian snakes
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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