So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
