no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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