how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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