Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
