I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize