Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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