Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.

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(512): View more from Texas

Can Purell be used as lube?

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.

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(309): View more from Illinois

I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS

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(516): View more from New York

making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"

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(845): View more from New York

I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari

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(206): View more from Washington

I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE

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(317): View more from Indiana

that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night

(1-317): View more from Indiana

Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?

(317): View more from Indiana

Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live

(765): View more from Indiana

That’s legit

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