Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm sobbing to NWA
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