I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
