we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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