Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My penis needs a shock collar
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
