He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
