with your own penis?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
