if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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