i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
