Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm really busy with my period
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