To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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