I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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