The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
