yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
