Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize