Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
