So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
