Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my sisters under your porch take her home
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
