at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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