I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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