You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
