I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
