Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
