he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
