I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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