Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
