you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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