The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
