and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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