I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize