Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize
