i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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